Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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