I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
