Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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