Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So squirting runs in the family.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
