Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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