Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
