No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
