I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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