Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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