The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you inspire me to be a worse person
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
