OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
