Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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