I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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