The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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