I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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