Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what day is it and did you see me today?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
