As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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