i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
