So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
