FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
