what day is it and did you see me today?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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