***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
