Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just found a bag of teeth...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
