Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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