Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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