capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
