also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they're like a gay fantastic four
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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