How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
