you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
