You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
