when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
