At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
