fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
