I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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