I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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