Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
