honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
