Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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