i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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