We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can I color on your dick again?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
