Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
