The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
