you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
