$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
