Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
