Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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