It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
