So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
