Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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