i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
