and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
