oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize