if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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