the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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