So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
