During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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