i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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